My confession for today is not really an epiphany or new realization, it happened a couple days ago. My 6 and 10 year old boys have been asking for buzz cuts since warm spring weather hit. Since they are in Catholic school, there is a policy on hair cuts. To be honest, I have never read the hair policy, I think short hair is acceptable, but no shaved heads, Mohawks or anything that may make the Priest notice in Mass. (In case you haven't been there, Nuns do not teach anymore, they actually hire real teachers who like children! No offense to any of the Nuns who did like children; I just don't actually remember meeting them at the Catholic school I attended 27 years ago.) Anyhow, I agreed to let them buzz their hair off since school is almost out in a couple of weeks, I figured they would not kick us out for that violation. We have a set of clippers with a safety device on them, which I have used before and I did not want to pay $17 a head, plus a tip, to do what I can do at home. It is only a buzz cut right??
Wrong. I was so wrong. You are laughing now because you have the foresight to see where this is going, foresight I clearly lacked that morning. I used the clippers, sans the safety, because my ego has made me a pro at this. If any 20 something salon girl with a pink streak in her hair and silver hoop in her nose can do it, I, with a college degree and experience on the dog, certainly could. My first victim was my six year old Aidan who has brown hair. I cut away with the clippers and scissors because it was going to be short anyway. Then came Andrew, my ten year old. He is a toe head blond, so it was not too shabby. When the heavy hair was removed I set to buzzing...first on a 3, then a 2, then when I noticed the bald spots underneath I used a1. It was horrible and my boys just sat there with total faith in me that I would make them look good. If the prize for the day was to make them look like recovering chemo patients that had lice infested heads, I would have won for sure. The sad truth is that I didn't even have a single drink that day, so I can't blame the Mother's Day mimosa at all.
When it was finished up they both looked in the mirror, my husband looked on in horror and my three year old, who wanted to be buzzed like his brothers, politely declined and said he decided he didn't need his cut. I wanted to laugh and cry, as I tried to fix it, I just made it worse. What that thing in me that makes me keep trying until something is fixed? Why can't I learn to just surrender to my weaknesses and let someone else help me with the kids sometimes? I am definitely not talking about Catholic guilt, it is one step greater..."Mom Guilt". You know that deep down feeling that lies within anyone who has the battle wounds and stretch marks of having children? Why can't I just accept that I am not always Supermom and let my kids see my vulnerable areas? Even though, they have seen that side many times, I like to pretend I can control it!
I am reading passages from the Revised Edition of the The New American Bible, (I am not going to lie, I had never fully read the old Edition, so this is a start for me!) and Proverbs11:2 struck my tarnished ego like a ton of bricks. "When pride comes, disgrace comes; but with the humble is wisdom." Ouch...that was a hard pill to swallow! I know it was only hair, but it was definitely another lesson that I should have surrendered to before I unleashed "carnage", as Andrew put it, on the heads of my boys. The hair will grow back and I am sure that will not be the only mistake I make as a mother, but it is one that will remind me to surrender to my limits...and also find other areas in which to cut spending.
With this confession and maybe a little therapy, my boys will learn to forgive me. Just because I have the ability to do something, does not mean I should. Let me rephrase that, it does not give me the right to. I am not equipped with all the superpowers I thought I had and there needs to be a limit to my abilities. I understand that now. God please forgive me and teach my boys to do the same. Thank God it was not my daughter and thank God I didn't resort to shaving cream and a razor to even it all up...never again will I take the 20 something salon girl with a hoop through her nose and pink hair for granted. Her talent in that area is worth much more than my mom degree!
No comments:
Post a Comment