My daughter gave me a very proud moment on Friday, as a mother, that was quickly saddened by the broken heart of my son. It was not life changing, mind altering or faith shaking, but it made me sit back and reflect on how to cope with daily issues between my children and the consequences the smallest actions may have on their hearts. I usually do not have time to think about all of the issues they are faced with day to day, unless it presents a big problem with them moving to the next, in between all of the activities, school work and chores that four children present. Today, I had to sit back and wait for the outcome, which as a mother is sometimes the hardest thing to do. You see, I am not very good at surrendering my children's lives to God, especially of it means heart break or disappointment. So here is my confession to God..."Please give me the grace to accept things I cannot control or change and the wisdom to help my children understand things that may hurt in life."
She was awarded the Peace Maker award, it is given three times a year to kids in school who exemplary compassion, good work ethic and over all good character. She was surprised to get it, but had made it her goal this year to achieve it. So as we woke Friday morning, we all got ready for the day, as if nothing was different. We didn't want her to know we were going to Mass to ruin it. Her kindergarten brother, Aidan, got up extra early that day, dressed, brushed his hair, put on a tie, sprayed on cologne and waited anxiously to go. When asked why he was up so early, he proudly replied, "It is Peace Maker Mass today and I just know I will be chosen!" My heart just sank, as I knew he was not chosen and his sister was. What do you do as a parent? I didn't want to spoil anything and I anticipated the anguish he would feel when his name was not called...to make matters worse, his sister, whom he was fighting with the night before would get it. I immediately wanted to intervene, tell him something to make him know he would not be chosen, but that it would be OK. My husband, disagreed and said to let it all play out. So I did. Mind you, he is not always the one who is right in these situations, I am...so says my ego.
I watched as he left for school with them and got dressed so I could be there for Mass. I was nervous and felt guilty for going to see my daughter when I knew her brother would be sad. (My oldest child was given the award his kindergarten year and so far has proven to be big shoes to follow at school). I met my husband there and sat through mass, with the guilt of what was to come, trying to think of how I would console his hurt. I was so afraid that he would be upset and think the award was dumb and not ever try to get it again. I just could not figure out what to say and instead of relishing in the joy for my daughter, I felt consumed by the guilt of her siblings. I know that there are always times with children in which one is in the spotlight, but that is usually expected by the other children and they know it is their moment.
Mass came and went and my daughter was elated to get her award. Afterwards, I went by the playground where her brother was and was expecting the worse. To my surprise, I found him happily playing as he bounded towards to me to tell me of his sister's award. He was so proud and yet had forgotten his own want for the award. He was so much more resilient and forgiving than I was. He was not jealous, did not feel sorry for himself or even seem a bit bothered by it at all. All of my fears were unfounded and the semi-ulcer that I had worked up in my anticipation of his anguish, was gone. I have to confess, I was pleasantly surprised and very proud of his reaction. I didn't have the faith in him that he would be able to handle it and again, I felt guilt for not believing in him. It was ultimately a win-win for both of them wrapped in self-caused apprehension on my part. This was a big lesson for me in the will of my children. He had the composure and grace to accept what was not his, yet the only person who was freaking out about it was me!
So from that, I am placing into God's hands, my children and their expectations in life. No matter how hard I want to or how I try to, I will never be able to control what is going to happen for them. I have to have the faith that their father and I have instilled in them the ability to handle adversities, even if I know that disappointment is coming...I have to let it happen and help them to grow from it. It kills me to know that is the case, but in the end, I and they, will grow spiritually closer to Him for it.
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