I had the most amazing experience the other night. It was at Walmart of all places. I have to confess, I have a love/hate relationship with the mass chain store. One one hand, with four kids, it is easiest to shop there and buy things on a budget, but on the other hand, far more weighed down by the first, it kills me with every fiber of my being when I shop there. I am drained and physically exhausted when I leave each time and in the back of my mind I am thinking how I am killing a small business or extorting an individual in another part of the world, who is forced to make goods that their employer sells to the company, by buying their goods. I can't win either way, so I have resigned myself to getting only what the family needs and trying to make a positive difference in the world... to have some sort of balance for where I have to shop. Not to mention, we live in a rural community and sometimes, late at night, Walmart is the only store open.
I had a few things I needed to get and decided to go on Monday night after the kids are in bed and my husband was home. He had to leave early the next morning for a business trip, so I took advantage of the small time I had alone to shop. Also, I have found that I usually save a lot of money when I do not have 4 kids with me throwing things in the cart! It was about 10:30 pm, so the store was pretty quiet, all of the younger clerks were in the electronics section playing video games on a giant television. All of the middle aged clerks were busy stocking shelves and cleaning the areas. I stuck to my list and went to check out. There was only one lane open and an older gentleman was ringing out an elderly man in front of me. I loaded up my items on the conveyor belt and waited my turn. I noticed that the elderly man kept handing the cashier different cards to scan and it hit me that he did not have any money. I could see his bag had a little food in it and a couple personal items. The man appeared to be in his late 60's, although he could have been younger, as the years looked to have been particularly hard on him. He was unwashed, greasy shoulder length hair, scraggly facial hair and had a distinct odor about him. I was sure he was not homeless, because it would be odd for him to be way out in the country, but I was pretty sure where ever he came from, the conditions probably were not much better than his appearance.
I was trying not to notice his financial issue, because I didn't want to embarrass him. Finally I heard him say to the cashier, "I guess I don't have anything, my wife left town and I am a mess." He looked like he was completely broken and had nothing else to give. He started to walk away and I said, "Sir, I would like to take care of that for you." He looked at me, if he had known I was there, he didn't show it. His eyes filled up with tears and he began to cry. He said, "but you don't know me." I could see that he had no top teeth and what little ones he had left were yellow and decaying. I told him that it was ok and I would feel honored to buy his groceries for him. Up until that point, I have done it many times for strangers and have never thought twice about it. I was raised by my parents and I raise my kids by one main rule. That is to never judge a person by their appearance because you never know if Jesus is in disguise. That had been so ingrained in me that it just seems natural that everyone does it. I know it is a line I use on my husband all the time when I give money to panhandlers on the street. He would prefer to give to a shelter or organization, but I always argue that for me, once I give that money away, it is not mine to tell them what to do with.
The man hugged me and I could smell the scent of urine and body odor on him, but it was an amazing and peaceful feeling. Not that I am a hugging person, I actually prefer to have my space, but I embraced him nonetheless. He grabbed his bag and said, "There really is a God." I just looked at him and shot back without even thinking, "Of course there is, I have seen him, he is everywhere." (This is a natural reaction for me, especially since my experience back in February, which I will write about at a later time). He then looked at the cashier and said, "I think I can make it a few more days." I didn't know what he meant, but by this time, the cashier has tears in his eyes. The man said, "Well, you were supposed to be here tonight, I know he sent you." This felt weird, because it seemed he was saying I was an angel or something like that. He walked away and I returned to putting the rest of my groceries on the belt. I tried to normalize the situaton and said to the cashier, "I hope that man finds peace tonight and in his life." The cashier wiping his tears said, "You have no idea. A moment before you came up here, that man said he was going to go home and put a bullet in his head." He must have seen the perplexing look on my face because he just said, "I didn't believe him, just thought he was an angry old man with a dry sense of humor." The cashier told me he was thankful I was there and asked me to pray for the man.
I left and began to drive home, it hit me like a wave out of no where and I just began to tear up. I guess, I had not put the cashier's statement together with what I had witnessed in the man. I seemed to process it and I became so overwhelmed. It hit me that the man in the store was not there so I could save him, he was there to save me. I had stepped outside my comfort zone in Walmart by telling him of course God was real. We are always taught to be considerate of people and their beliefs, but in that moment, it felt like that it what needed to be said. I did go home and pray for that man, I prayed for his wife and family. I prayed that he would realize that he was not broken, just a little scratched up, but if he would open up to God, he would heal again. I told God that I was thankful he had sent him to me. I got to take a lesson that I have always taught my children and really live it. I always tell them to never be afraid to tell others when you see Christ in them. Christ did walk by me that night, just not as I would have ever pictured him; he was elderly, unkempt and in the shell of someone who needed strength. I wish I could find that man and tell him that he had it all wrong. God sent him to me, he was in the store when I needed him most.
I had a few things I needed to get and decided to go on Monday night after the kids are in bed and my husband was home. He had to leave early the next morning for a business trip, so I took advantage of the small time I had alone to shop. Also, I have found that I usually save a lot of money when I do not have 4 kids with me throwing things in the cart! It was about 10:30 pm, so the store was pretty quiet, all of the younger clerks were in the electronics section playing video games on a giant television. All of the middle aged clerks were busy stocking shelves and cleaning the areas. I stuck to my list and went to check out. There was only one lane open and an older gentleman was ringing out an elderly man in front of me. I loaded up my items on the conveyor belt and waited my turn. I noticed that the elderly man kept handing the cashier different cards to scan and it hit me that he did not have any money. I could see his bag had a little food in it and a couple personal items. The man appeared to be in his late 60's, although he could have been younger, as the years looked to have been particularly hard on him. He was unwashed, greasy shoulder length hair, scraggly facial hair and had a distinct odor about him. I was sure he was not homeless, because it would be odd for him to be way out in the country, but I was pretty sure where ever he came from, the conditions probably were not much better than his appearance.
I was trying not to notice his financial issue, because I didn't want to embarrass him. Finally I heard him say to the cashier, "I guess I don't have anything, my wife left town and I am a mess." He looked like he was completely broken and had nothing else to give. He started to walk away and I said, "Sir, I would like to take care of that for you." He looked at me, if he had known I was there, he didn't show it. His eyes filled up with tears and he began to cry. He said, "but you don't know me." I could see that he had no top teeth and what little ones he had left were yellow and decaying. I told him that it was ok and I would feel honored to buy his groceries for him. Up until that point, I have done it many times for strangers and have never thought twice about it. I was raised by my parents and I raise my kids by one main rule. That is to never judge a person by their appearance because you never know if Jesus is in disguise. That had been so ingrained in me that it just seems natural that everyone does it. I know it is a line I use on my husband all the time when I give money to panhandlers on the street. He would prefer to give to a shelter or organization, but I always argue that for me, once I give that money away, it is not mine to tell them what to do with.
The man hugged me and I could smell the scent of urine and body odor on him, but it was an amazing and peaceful feeling. Not that I am a hugging person, I actually prefer to have my space, but I embraced him nonetheless. He grabbed his bag and said, "There really is a God." I just looked at him and shot back without even thinking, "Of course there is, I have seen him, he is everywhere." (This is a natural reaction for me, especially since my experience back in February, which I will write about at a later time). He then looked at the cashier and said, "I think I can make it a few more days." I didn't know what he meant, but by this time, the cashier has tears in his eyes. The man said, "Well, you were supposed to be here tonight, I know he sent you." This felt weird, because it seemed he was saying I was an angel or something like that. He walked away and I returned to putting the rest of my groceries on the belt. I tried to normalize the situaton and said to the cashier, "I hope that man finds peace tonight and in his life." The cashier wiping his tears said, "You have no idea. A moment before you came up here, that man said he was going to go home and put a bullet in his head." He must have seen the perplexing look on my face because he just said, "I didn't believe him, just thought he was an angry old man with a dry sense of humor." The cashier told me he was thankful I was there and asked me to pray for the man.
I left and began to drive home, it hit me like a wave out of no where and I just began to tear up. I guess, I had not put the cashier's statement together with what I had witnessed in the man. I seemed to process it and I became so overwhelmed. It hit me that the man in the store was not there so I could save him, he was there to save me. I had stepped outside my comfort zone in Walmart by telling him of course God was real. We are always taught to be considerate of people and their beliefs, but in that moment, it felt like that it what needed to be said. I did go home and pray for that man, I prayed for his wife and family. I prayed that he would realize that he was not broken, just a little scratched up, but if he would open up to God, he would heal again. I told God that I was thankful he had sent him to me. I got to take a lesson that I have always taught my children and really live it. I always tell them to never be afraid to tell others when you see Christ in them. Christ did walk by me that night, just not as I would have ever pictured him; he was elderly, unkempt and in the shell of someone who needed strength. I wish I could find that man and tell him that he had it all wrong. God sent him to me, he was in the store when I needed him most.
