This summer has been full of many uncertainties, unplanned experiences and of course, nothing I tried to control turned out the way it was supposed to! We started with fostering a mother dog and six puppies, they were adorable the first few weeks, now have turned into a nightmare of destruction in the backyard. Not that puppies are that hard, but six of them on top of 4 other dogs makes for an insane house! Then my three year old broke his elbow and has been in a cast all summer, during the month of June when our insurance lapsed and had a new deductible, the master bathroom flooded and my car, 10,000 miles over the warranty, decided to stop being reliable and need $2000 worth of work. Mind you, my husband and I did discuss the value of an additional warranty, but quickly outweighed it by the $300 a month it would cost...I am convinced there is a computer system that reads to a satellite to the car manufacturer that can send the computer into a frenzy at the push of a button as soon as the warranty expires!!
Aside from the conspiracy theories of car companies, there have also been moments of blissful surprises, ones that seem to come in just when you think God has forgotten you in His daily prayers. My 3 year old decided to potty train easier than I expected. On the day I decided to offer it up and not fight him, he just magically did it and has not had an accident ever since. He is contributing to financial well being of this family, by erasing the monthly diaper costs...I am sure we will figure out how to lose that savings each month, but in theory, it is nice to know we have made it over the past 11 years of consecutive diaper changing with all four kids! Another nice surprise was our families visit to the Mother House in Leavenworth, Kansas. Granted, it was about as hot as Baghdad, with stifling humidity, but the actual trip was relaxing and left me with a new look at handling things we cannot control in life. Once I learned to not worry about the poodle curls in my matted, uncontrollable hair...yes, I did pull out a scrunchy from middle school...I actually was able to meditate and take in the peacefulness of the area. I know this is where the stomach pitting fear come in for the people who had Nuns as teachers in Catholic School...you are asking, "Why the heck would you take your kids to a house full of them and call it a vacation?!?!" I know my own experience in Kindergarten, had my parents done that, it would have scarred me as the worst vacation ever!
Like most of our decisions this summer, we decided to go a day before we went out to visit the Sisters of Charity of Leavenworth. So in less that 24 hours, I had done laundry, cleaned house, packed the kids, the car and gotten all 10 dogs cared for for a long weekend. I was proud of myself for letting my sense of control teeter to the brink and not having a panic attack! We arrived late on a Saturday night and was greeted by my husbands almost 80 year old aunt. She led us to the guest area and we settled in for the night, only after the kids ran a few laps around the campus of St. Mary after being stuffed in a Suburban for 9 hours. Even at 11 pm, the 90 degree temperature and knife cutting humidity did not phase them. When we awoke early the next morning for breakfast and mass, we found that one of the sister's, Mary Agnes, had passed away early that morning. She was in her 90's, but had lived with her other sisters for well over 60 years. They all are so close and to most of them, the only family they have. I expected the mood in the cafeteria to be blue and sad as so many sisters grieved the loss of one of their own. To my surprise it was not that way, sisters were laughing, smiling, reminiscing about their Faithful Sister and welcoming our four children, a breath of fresh air, to their home.
You would think there would be so much sorrow and sadness at the loss of a family member you have known for more than half a century. Instead, they were rejoicing and praising God for her gift of life and for taking her home. None of them were scared or even concerned about whether Sister Mary Agnes would get to sit next to God. So strange, considering many Catholics I know fear dying because of what they consider "Judgment Day". At that moment I realized that this was not a Catholic tradition, but a human one, one in which we have let our ego's cloud the truth surrounding death. So many times we take something we do not understand and let our mind justify the unknown with fear and apprehension. It is those times that we long to be close to God, but by letting out ego's decide what is right, we only push Him further away. This is not just a Catholic idea, but a human idea, all across various religious and belief systems, we fear death because we are not in control then. Kind of like the trip we took, I did not have time to fear or get frustrated with it, because I knew we were going, there was no sense in getting worked up about it.
There were so many other great things about visiting the Sister's, which normally would not seem like something fun to do, but this one struck me as poignant. I noted to my husband's aunt that it was refreshing to see the sister's so joyful and trusting in God that they were happy for the soul of Sister Mary Agnes. She simply replied, "Well, if we weren't so trusting, then this life we chose would be all for not!" Such a simple answer, but also so truthful. You see, when you become a nun, you are expected to give your life to God, you do not question it, you live for it. Mother Teresa did, yet she also saw things in life that made her question herself and God, yet, she also in the end, fully circled back to trusting Him.
Why can't I do that? Even if I did not choose a life of religious sanctity, I can honestly say, I still have not mastered that. They are not superhuman, they are not forced to take in anything they do not want to. They chose to, they are free to leave at anytime. They too have free will. I guess my lesson is that it does not matter what vocation you choose...I am always baffled at how they praise me for choosing to be a mother, yet I praise them for choosing to devote their lives to God. In my view that would be hard, yet they see my job as harder.
Spending a weekend with them was such a blessing, one that God knew I needed. They did have hurt in their hearts for the physical loss of their sister, for not being able to touch her or hold her anymore, but their hurt was filled by the love and complete trust they have in Our Father. She went home to be with Him, ultimately we all get to go home, but only when our journey is done. There is nothing to fear in that and the reward in it is the joy and love we show to Him by the way we live our lives on Earth. Who would have thought that one weekend would bring such a revelation. I also learned that my Kindergarten fears were all for not, nuns are human beings too and love to live life as much as anyone. That was evident when our family commandeered their communal living room...as it was the only television with cable. There we were, the six of us with about 20 nuns cheering for the US in the World Cup final. Not the picture I had envisioned when we set out on the trip, but it was the one God has known all along. I am thankful for that and blessed to have gotten to spend time with so many amazing women.
Note: The Sister's of Charity of Leavenworth are very hospitable and you can look them up to visit their home. They will see that your stay is wonderful and you have time to reconnect with your spirit and God. http://www.scls.org/
