Mothering Like Mary

Ninety four years ago today a miracle occurred. The same miracle has occurred around the world in different fashions, but this one is known around the world, especially among devout Catholics. It was May 13, 1917 in Fatima, Portugal. This is where the Blessed Virgin Mary was given the name Our Lady of Fatima. She first appeared to three children, Lucia Santos and her cousins, siblings Jacinta and Francisco Marto. The children also called her the "Lady of the Rosary" because she had related that in an apparition to them. The Blessed Mother appeared at Fatima for six consecutive months to the children always on the 13th day. The most important outcome of the apparitions, Lucia said, is that the lady had asked them to pray the rosary every day, as repeating it many times would be the key to personal and world peace.

Among the amazing miracle at Fatima, one which has been confirmed by the Church, are the many other miracles that have occurred on this day. One in particular happened exactly 30 years ago today, the first attempted assassination of Pope John Paul II in St. Peter's Square at Vatican City. The Pope was shot and critically wounded by Mehmet Ali Ağca , a trained sniper from Turkey, while he was entering the square. The Pope was struck 4 times, and suffered severe blood loss. Ağca was apprehended immediately, and later sentenced to life in prison by an Italian court. The Pope later forgave Ağca for the assassination attempt. He also attributed his survival to divine intercession by the Blessed Mother. In 1982, just a year after he recovered, he made the trip to Fatima and placed a bullet, from his body on the shrine of the Blessed Mother.

I was in Mass this morning for the May Crowning and listened in awe to both of these stories. I have heard them both separately, but never knew that Pope John Paul II actually took the bullet that almost cost him is life to Fatima. It made me wonder if I could do that. I often find myself thinking of random scenarios in which I place myself in "what would you do mode." I would like to think that I would be as brave as John Paul II or as forgiving as the Blessed Mother, but would I really? A few weeks ago, I articled what this Easter meant to me, particularly after meeting my abusive biological father after so many years. I truly was able to tell him I forgave him and there is not a moment I would take back from that encounter. I also know that I was able to set a boundary with my abuser that I had never previously done, with anyone. So I guess you could say that I did act in the same light as John Paul II when it came to my past.

Today was different, as I sat in mass for the May Crowning, I gazed upon my daughter in her white dress and veil. She took her First Holy Communion last Sunday and today got to wear her dress again as she carried up the banner for the May Crowning. A question arose in my head...Could I be as forgiving if it was her that was violated? Any of my children for that matter, could I forgive the person who hurt them like I had been hurt? My gut reaction is no and my emotional state would want retribution. If someone hurt my child in a way that would destroy the very fiber of who they were, I would want the person to suffer and I certainly would want God to be the almighty judge in the end. Be honest, who wouldn't?

Who would be willing to let their child be hurt or killed by someone that they could not control? Who would want to bring a child into this world knowing that they would possibly suffer beyond any sort of comprehension? It reminded me of the day I saw my father in October, although I have forgiven him, I didn't invite him back into my or my children's lives. I am not so forgiving that I would place trust in him again so that he could possibly hurt one of them. There is a difference in forgiving, but not forgetting. I can learn to heal and let go of the anger I felt for him in order to move into a stronger light, but I will never, ever give him or anyone the opportunity to take anything away from my children or any other child for that matter.

I had so many things racing in my head and so many scenarios about what I would do. Then my eyes met the innocent and pure face of my daughter. He hands set in prayer, kneeling with her gaze on the Blessed Mother. My gaze shifted upwards too. All of the scenarios I was imagining and all of the "what if's" that were being created, were not just fantasy ideas, they were very real. There was one woman in that room who knew the answers to all of my thoughts...that was Mary. She had lived and suffered through more than most human beings could ever imagine. She did bring a child into this world knowing he would suffer and die. Maybe she didn't know the exact details or maybe she did, but she willingly and faithfully trusted enough in God that all would be right. Her blind faith bore us Christ; her love for Him and God made way for the forgiveness for all of us. She is the mother I would love to be. She was very human, yet she surrendered all of her fears and faults to something she could not always see. She did not have tangible proof everyday that what she was embarking on was going to change the world, she just trusted in her heart...a heart with a direct link to Him.

As a mother, it is so hard to do that, to have blind faith and surrender the control...especially when it comes to your children. How do you let your heart be filled with solace, when you cannot see what may happen to them or know you cannot protect them from every bad thing in the world?

I honestly don't know if I can do that. I would love to have an ounce of the trust and faith that Mary had and know it all will be ok, but my mind and human fallacies sometimes cloud my heart. I have never prayed the Rosary on a regular basis, in fact I am not sure I know how to without a "Dummies Guide to Catholicism" next to me, but I am going to give it a try. Out of all of her apparitions, there is one single request of her, to pray the Rosary.

Forgiveness is easy to understand when you look at it through God's eyes. We are all his children. If someone were to ask me to choose between my four children who would go to Heaven when they died and who would spend eternity in hell, would I be able to do it? I would reply that there are some days when that would be a an unfair question...depending on the behavior of my children!! But ultimately, the answer is no. I would commit myself to an eternity of hell to see my four children sit next to the thrown of God, because no matter how bad the deed or idea that they may have, I still love them, they are my children. There is nothing humanly possible they could do to change that. I may not like every choice they will make as they grow up, but I will always, without a doubt love them.

Why would I ask any less of God then? Why would I ask Him to choose which of his earthly children should suffer for eternity? If the Blessed Mother could forgive all of us, come back and tell us how to be more like her son, then I certainly can forgive anyone who may have offended me in this life. My confession today is for the Blessed Mother. Without her, I would not be the mother I am today and without her intercession, I will not be the divine light I am called to be. I am asking you to walk beside me and teach me how to be more like you. I have not fully surrendered myself to our Father and I want to learn how to. Most of all, I do not want to live a life of fear for my children anymore. I will trust that the will of God is the best thing for us and I will no longer think about revenge or an "eye for an eye". She has taught me a lesson today, if I cannot find peace in myself, I cannot even begin to teach my children how to be peacemakers or ask for it worldwide.


(More information on Fatima or John Paul II can be found at http://www.catholicnewsagency.com)